First Day of the Rest of My Life.....

Day 3 of trying to make a serious change in en effort to break out of my mental funk.  What I want to be doing and what I actually do are in as much conflict as who I want to be and who I actually am.

As I sit here listening to classical music, that I am all to familiar with, writing, thinking, cogitating....it reminds me of my college self that refused to posses a television because it got in the way of my intellectual pursuits. I was a veracious reader with myriad interest that were well diversified across art and architecture from the Roman Empire all the way through the Byzantine, Renaissance, Baroque and Classical eras. The days when simple things like Giotto's O absolutely fascinated me and power meant the Medici family, not being Partner at a consulting firm that B School was molding me for. So passionate that I was about learning things that I thought were far beyond my reach, I never would have imagined it leaving me the way it has. It was replaced by practical things like business and technology and anything else that would help me fit into a nice neat box and a life of normalcy and privilege for my daughter.

That is what I want to be doing but, what I am doing is letting myself down with mental laziness and busywork.  From the outside it appears as that I am always accomplishing many different tasks, and I am, but most are a deflection and distraction. Everything does have do be in its proper place before I can adequately function, however.  I have always used the analogy of untied shoe strings that make walking difficult. Now with Betty, Xiffy, the Dogs, Finances, Life.....I spend my days making sure my shoes are always tied and that's a lot of shoe strings!  Problem is, once they are all tied up, I celebrate not by diving into a good read, moving closer to writing the book I have talked about for so long, putting together a nice video to document my greatest trip ever, feeding my brain,.......rather, vegetating in front of the devils box, peeking my head out only occasionally to remind myself how blessed I am to be living where I do, anywhere and everywhere really!

The man that I want to be and the man that I am will be an eternal struggle always filled with untied shoe strings.  But as a lifelong God fearing man, I am keenly aware of how I miss the mark every day.

To effect a change in the right direction, the first step is always to turn off the television and dial up the music.  Step one complete 4 days in a row now.  Step two is writing and more writing.  It's how I tie up the shoe strings in my mind and make sense of it all.  First step of this step but where shall I start to untangle the hundreds of things congealed in my mind?  It's all just one big chaotic blob of incredible experiences, topics, blessings, hurts, and confusion, each deserving a separate in depth writing session to fully explore and purge from my mind.

The nomad adventures began in 2015. Should I write about the   lessons learned from the road? North and South or East and West? There is so much!

Do I write about the 8 Month Florida Adventure? I get asked how the trip was constantly and my standard canned response is "extreme highs and lows and not much in the middle." Such and easy way out of explaining what each of those levels even mean.

Or do I write about my current thoughts of how I am not enjoying being back and falling into the same rut that forced the change in the first place.  The fear of boredom setting in because I have already done everything and been everywhere on the west coast that I had interests in?  Doing it all again just seems boring and part of joining the rut.

How about personal growth, current thoughts on life, family and meaning of living?

Money? Bitcoin, enough said.

Or, future plans?! In my career I had to do big things that others wouldn't dare to attempt. I'm finding in retirement it's the same. When I was in college, I very much looked forward to getting my hefty text book, for whatever class it was, and looking to the back of the book.  What excited me was what I was actually going to know at the end; the reading, study, and learning were a given.  Coming out of the other end, it would be my knowledge and my experiences of gaining it that was the most valuable. Work was the same.  No challenge was to big because it was coming out of the other side that motivated me.  Now life's adventures. How many would do what I just did in Florida with the limited experience that I had going into it? Now on the other side, I came back 100X the mariner than I was before. I fear nothing locally and I am ready for the next chapter.

My current mindset is that I want to break free and the most logical way to do that is to spend some time back at the beginning, the Pacific!  I have a route in mind and places I want to see. Same as before but it was such a big plan it would have taken me years. I had Florida right in front of me with the right boat to do it, so I did it and I'm better for it.  To get back to the original plan will involve many, many things.  A lot of local sailing experience; a lot of new skills that need to be developed; a new boat more suitable for blue water sailing.  I have the funds and the desire to go now and I am in a race against my body.

I can spend my life in doctors offices but where would I start? Back? Neck? Knees? Shoulder?  And to what end?  None can be fixed, only managed. I refuse to take pain pills and my body will continue to break down.  I would probably have a better shot at any kind of care somewhere else. That being said, none of that will impede my plans.

However, I should learn how to pole a jib, fly a code 0, get more heavy weather experience, spend time looking for the right boat......

I'm hear for at least the next year but I'm trading in my shoe laces for a new set!

travel diary, florids

Tuesday, May 9

This is a second try after an initial false start.  I wasn't ready and xiffy was nowhere near ready.  I have been fighting the desire to just lay down in the AC, a first for bettey, not because of laziness but rather heat, humidity and old man pains in my neck, back and shoulder.  It's a constant battle but I just have to MOVE!  Once I get into a rythm then its not so bad because the excitement of what lies ahead carries me forward.

I prepared the best I could, checked the forcasts for wind and rain, tides and currents.  My intitial goal was to anchor near Haulover Park on the ICW, about 12 nautical miles away with an easy motor south, once I contented with the challenges of the New River!

I couldn't have picked a better day to initiate the voyage IF everything worked out as planned, it didn't.  First, I could not get the plotter to calculate the route that I was after but I had my phone as a back up.  Navionics needs to really integrate the functionality of the different plantforms!  The phone app is $50 bucks and the plotter was $1500.  Guess which works better?! This little set back ate up an hour.

Then it was time to do a radio check since it is critical for the trip.  No luck.  I figured I would get out of the cove and maybe I would have better luck so off I went with the intention of turning back if I could not get a response.  Nothing on Seatow so I went to the first bridge and hailed the bridge tender with a "how do you read?"  Waited and got a response "loud and clear."  Awesome, the trip is on!  From that point on, I handled the bridges like a pro, even at the busiest and most dangerous area and even had an encounter with Jungle Queen on the radio, then in person and we passed "one whistle" as agreed on the VHF.

Then I hit the dreaded triangle and got a good chuckle as I made the turn that I was meant to take the first time around when I ran aground.  West coast sailors will never understand the complications of that intersection where the markers suddenly flip coming out of the New River and onto the ICW.

The next few miles was uneventful with a gentel 2 knott current on the bow.  I hit the Port everglades turning basin and took a little breather.  The next bridge would be the first than I had never encountered on previous trips but, theyre all the same, so I thought.  This bridge opend every thirty minutes and the only requirement is to check in with the bridge tender,  I was a bout 15 minutes early so I hung well back in an area that was wide and deep as I "hipped" the dinghy and did not want to have to back down with it but time it so I would be full speed ahead right on the :30.  HOWEVER, the flowing current picked up to 6 Kn and I could barely make way, even at full throttle. About 100 yards out, the bridge tender and I started to communicate.  Him telling me I have two minutes and me saying I'm going as fast as Im able and then him telling me all about the "new moon currents."  I offered to abort the approach and he agreed that that would be best so around I went, heading north, to the deep and wide safety again.  I tried to time it again but was still too slow but he held it for me.  That was the roughest patch.

The next bridge was also I timed bridge, Sheridin Ave.  Easy enough but forced to hold again for 20 minutes.  By now, the heat is blazing hot and still.  I took the time to put up the new umbrella.  Helpful, but not ideal for the boat because it clamps on to far aft with no other stantions forward to get better shade.

As I sat in the sun, my phone that was providing the route, over heated so I decided to shut it off to let it cool. As long as I stayed between the markers and watched my depth, I should have been ok as long as I kept going south on the ICW.  Then, I heard a BIG BOOM!  My mind raced of what it could possible be in the vacinity that it came from.  One of the several possibilies i.e. propane tanks, gas tank, phone battery.  There were little blues plastic shrouds everywhere and it took a minuted for figure out it was my butain lighter.  May be a good time to quit smoking!

By this time I'm very tired with the heat and felt bad for the dogs seeing as how we had another 10 miles to go.  I thought I may be asking too much of them for their first day.  As I approached the next bridge, I see a dozen sailboats anchored off to my starboard side.  I look at the chart ont he plotter and it was shallow but it was also mean tide.  I look at the size of the others with deeper drafts and straight up masts and decided to take a shot.  I entered with the motore in forward neutral which just barely makes way.  I watched the depths and sure enough, I hit bottom once but didn't get grounded.  I dropped the anchor quickly like I knew exactly what I was doing!  I did know becuase of the practice with Captain Lee where we did it twice in very tight quarters.  If not for that short bit of experience, my book study of the subject would have freaked me out!  Just because you turn into the wind, as a single hander, you cannot expect the boat to stay there for long!  But, you still go and drop quicklet and let the wind right the boat into the wind once the anchor bites.

The first day was still discombobulated with the boat just crammed but not organized.  The dogs had to go potty and there was a perfect little beach to run the dinghy up so I tried my hardest to get the lock off that Lee had put on before I left.  No luck for a while but finally managed it.  Now, it was the DOGS FIRST TIME in the dinghy.  I had no idea how they would react.  I put in their dog bet, put there life jackets on and threw them in with the motor running.  You would think they were seasoned veterans.  No problem at all and once we got to the little park, they had a ball with all of the new smells.

Going back to Xiffy, the reality started to set in that this is what I had been working hard for the last year!  This was just a taste of what's to come but the whole process of dropping an anchor, putting the dogs on the dinghy and going to shore was what I had been dreaming about for months.  And, cruising into a waterfront resteraunt with Xiffy in full view sitting beautifully all by herself out in the pretty anchorage! I had to eat and it was happy hour so the place right across the way was perfect, dog friendly, and it was happy hour! Met a lovely couple there from WI too!

Time to head back for the first sunset at anchor and prepare for the first night.  On the way back, I met a nice young guy from central california flying the CA flag.  We hit it off and talked boats, cruising and the lifestyle.  He came later to pick me up on his "dingly" and showed me where to get free water, and of course we stopped for ice and diet coke!

Sunset came and it was purdy.

Now for the evening.  I set the drift alarm on the plotter and downloaded an app for my phone.  I was worried about the batteries running lights, plotter, and accessorries all night so I turned it off completely since I was comforatable with the phone app that I had beeen using.  Also, the alarm would be right next to me IF it went off.  2 AM, and of course it went off!  My first experience of being blurry eyed and heading topside.  I already knew what to do, let out more road, take new bearings in the distance and feel the anchor rope for vibration.  All seemed fine so reset the alarm and slept the reast of the night.

Day 2, May 10

Another, just the way I had imagined it moments, with the exception of forgetting the tea kettle.  Heated up the water on my little coleman stove, poured it into the french press, loaded up a travel mug and threw the dogs on the dinghy for morning potty on the beach.  No accidents all night!!!!

I woke up in a lot of pain though.  My shoulder was acting up and it felt like the bones in my neck were in a vice and being crunched.  Popped some advil and layed down for a bit.  I got hungry and what I had on board did not seem satisfying so I went to a bakery/bistro across the way because the pictures online look amazing.  What I disappointment!  My big pet peeve, places with a great waterfront location and a captured audiance so they ignore the food.  Frozen potatoes that were still cold so I asked them to heat it up.  What happens when you put eggs in the microwave and over cook them?  They turn to rubber and my western omlet did, but at least the potatoes were heated through.

When I got back, I had a bit of anxiety about not wire tieing the anchor shackle so I pulled it up, did it, and reset it.  Again, if I just move, I'll keep going and resist the temptaion to rest.  Once I had the momentum, I saw my new young friend working away on his girl so I went to work on mine.  It only took a couple of hours but now everything is in its proper place, for the ICW anyway

I took a quick look at the next leg of my route south.  My original intention was to take on 10 miles per day.  Good for me and good for the kids.  I look over the anchoranges listed on cruisernet and there are only a few between Ft. Lauterdale and Key Largo.  Anchoring is a big issue hear and unwanted by most homeownders.  However, as I understand it now, it IS leagal to drop anchor anywhere outside a marked channel and the worst than can happen is a knock on the hull asking you to move on.  That kind of changes everything.  Hurrican season is really a non issue because there are plaenty of places to duck for cover, especially in marsh lands.  That being said, I am in NO hurry.  When I see a place that looks nice for me and the kids, and if my body hurts, I will drop the hook even if the whole day only amounted to a short distance.

More importaintly, many have forgotten what I am all about and what this trip is all about.  By Road and Sea, my dogs and me!  It is NOT a sailing adventure!  The ICW is one of the reasons that I came out.  The Keys were not even in the cards until I learned more about them and realized the dangers of single handing to the bahamas.  If I get there with another crew member, great.  If not, no loss!  I have seen it all through videos so I put it into the class of going to Mexico on a cruise ship.  You have to do it at least once, and I did, but I swore I would never do it again and dealing with tourist imigration has no appeal for me.

Easter Introspection...Chapter 1, CTS......

If you know anything about me, you know I have a book percolating inside of me, Chasing the Shade.  For fame? Fortune? Recognition?  None of the above.  I have to package my life story, and lifelong relationship with the only one that matters, for a single audience!  I feel it's the greatest legacy that I can leave.  It's such an unbelievable story that I was once diagnosed as being bi-polar because nobody can really go that high or that low.  I did, it's all factual, witnessed and, thanks to technology, a lot of it is documented and corroborated.  But on this day, I will shine a light small aspects.......

As a young boy about 10ish or so, the local Southern-Baptist Sunday school bus would rumble up on Kentucky St. in the gang infested neighborhood of East Bakersfield.  It was a welcome respite for a single mother of a brother and sister that fought ALL of the time, lit bathrooms on fire (sister), and threw rocks at windows (little toe head that birds loved as nest-building material, I was throwing rocks at THEM!!!.)  It was all before my own age-of-understanding but I loved Sunday school where everyone was so kind and the reality of my existence in such a bad area was left at the folding doors of the bus.

To skip over the many details, I was baptized in the Kern River and then again at the alter. It was a personal thing, even at that age, and nothing that my family had anything to do with or participate in. It unknowingly set the foundation for the rest of my life.  As a boy, I remember walking past churches and being on my best behavior. From an early age, I made a commitment to never use the Lords name in vein and to hear it used as an accepted part of the English language, in seemingly every form of entertainment, falls hard on my ears and makes me cringe.  This was the honeymoon phase when I was a baby christian and just a baby in life.

My life would have taken a whole different direction had I stayed in Bakersfield where I was encouraged to learn welding to work in the oil fields.  Thank God I had a natural curiosity of these new things called computers and I would spend every free moment either riding the city bus to a basic computer programming course, or the local Radio Shack to play with the new Tandy!  This will all come full circle later.

Skip ahead to the early teen years, working graveyard, sleeping on the beach (you know where!) in the mornings, living hand to mouth for every meal and stitch of clothing, feel sorry for me yet?  Don't!  I had the life and never really wanted for anything!  I was surrounded by others just like me, but I was different. I didn't steal, connive, practice deceit or victimize others to survive.  Angel?  Hardly!  I did many, many things that any kid left to his own devices without constraints would probably have done.  Any harm I did was to myself and any offense I caused was to my heavenly father who I wasn't particularly close to at the time.  Then came Angie!  Of all of the girls around the beach, why her?  She wasn't even a beach girl! I met her through her sister, who's couch I was crashing on at the time.  Why her? She had that same thing in her that made me different and, even though I didn't recognize what it was at first, her beauty radiated as I saw her for the first time through my sleepy eyes, bent over cleaning the toilet in her sisters house that she came to visit.

Speed ahead, she introduced me to Calvery Chapel and Chuck Smith. The christian punk music brought me back, Chuck made me stay.  It was familiar and comforting and helped me to kind of make sense of a somewhat odd existence.  Let's call this this first weeeeee of the roller coaster.

From a life perspective, I was caught up in the beach life, working at the local bars, drinking excessively before I was legally allowed at every bar on the peninsula, and everything else that goes with it.  I found myself doing odd construction jobs too, generally as a helper chamo.  I was tearing off roofs for a local contractor that just happened to land a large project where there were not enough bodies to throw at it.  They taught me the basics of how to install a shingle roof and then left me on my own on a building the size of two football fields joined together at opposite angles. When I was done with one building, there was another with my name on it.  I worked piece-mill, meaning I got paid for how much I did.  The method of keeping track was to tear off a piece of the wrapper of each bundle of shingles and put it in my pocket, 3 bundles to a 100 sqaure ft, 10 bucks per 3 pieces of paper.  For the first time, I was in control!  My only limitations were the amount of daylight that I could work. I was rich, as far as I knew! The catalyst that changed my life's direction.

That little something that made me different manifested itself in my work ethic and my early OCD made my work impeccable.  These traits resulted in me starting and growing my own roofing company into one of the largest in the state.  Technology came into play as I was able to automate parts of the business that nobody else had, up to that point.  Thank you early childhood training!  Successful by all accounts by the tender age of 25!  But, it was my work ethic and OCD that made it so.  I was still a continuation school drop out so when a bump in the road (housing crash) happened I had no defense and my success proved to be fleeting.  A blessing in disguise for so many reasons.

Losing my first business was a depressing experience and I really had no clue what I would do next.  My mind was awash with everything dark and bleek.  I was attending church at the time, kind of bouncing around to friends churches.  It had nothing to to with the message or the teachings but everything about who had the best music.  But, the message comes by natural osmosis and it was all brought into play as I sought help from a therapist that everybody in my family had gone to!  The one man that I credit everything to, Frosty Hickum, gave me an early clinical diagnosis of "Guarded," but his highfalutin title of Director of Mental Health for OC, went out the window, and so did paying him, as he wrapped his loving arms around me.  He was a deacon in his church so the marathon 6 hour sessions that he spent with me always had a biblical justification for where he was taking me.  I had the foundation but had run out of my own strength.  My childhood really caught up with me and I realized that I was psychologically stunted by how I grew up.  He gave me a way, a path and a series of baby steps and confidence builders to just keep taking the next step.  I'll never forget his words, "you are the smartest uneducated person I have ever met!  If you can match that native intelligence with book smarts you will be dangerous!"  Surely you are smart enough to take the GED!"  That led to a whole series of "you proved that you can do X, surely your smart enough to do Y."  This continued all of the way through USC!

Time to hit the 10X fast forward button!  Because of my early teachings, Frosty, the families that adopted me, the Monkey, the hundreds of friends around the world, no challenge is too big because "if I did that, surely I can do this......"  When all paths lead to failure because the challenge is far to big, I am the guy to take it on and take it on with INTEGRITY!  My business dealings have placed me squarely in the cross hairs of the SEC, FBI, and the Federal Postal Inspector where they were desperately looking for guilt by association.  Assets were frozen, no representation, no money but it was my integrity that brought me out of it unscathed.  When you don't lie and have nothing to hide, it's not hard to keep track of the facts. This all happened during my second financial collapse, the .com bust, the next lull of the roller coaster, and I found myself with a huge ascent before the next weeeeeeee that was in no way visible to me as the top was shrouded in dark clouds.

Needless to say, it was the most profound "if I could do that then I can do this" moments. Over the next decade I accomplished more than I had ever dreamed of sitting on the docks of the harbor of Newport as a boy.  I've done things, seen things, been exposed to things, participated in things, owned things, played with things, that people can only dream about.  Not once, not twice, but as the normal part of my existence.  Who was responsible for all of this?  MEEEEEE!  I did it!  All me and my vast intelligence!  I'm unstoppable!  Nothing can break me down!  It will just continue to get better and I will be more powerful and make more and more money!

Third and most devastating financial collapse:  The great Recession!

I never imagined that I would be the economic victim of my own success and become the poster child for the unemployed because I was too expensive and too experienced. It was absolute Hell!  Lost my money, my house, my cars, private schools, retirement, college fund, health, mind, body, identity, peanut, friends......................................... Needless to say, I was depressed.  All of that coupled with the other side of the parental structure in disarray, I could do nothing but go to THE park every single day and just sit and drown out my head with earphones in my ears and very loud music! My mindset was still "I I I I have to pull myself out of this! How can I I I I possibly pull this off when I have fallen so far????" There was no "if I did that then I could do this" frame of reference to draw from. One day merged with another of me watching the homeless emerge from the bushes every morning and jockeying for position under the trees.  As the sun moved, they moved.  They were chasing the shade, all day, every day.

10X button again, and the purpose of this post, where I will try and bring it all full circle..........The series of events that happened were God driven, plain and simple, no other explanation and for more reasons than I have room to write.  The highlights in basic order: Brother brought me a copy of Purpose Driven Life to the park.  "Just read a chapter a day, that's what you are supposed to do."  Read it all that day, highlighted, notated and circled all of the things that I disagreed with and was prepared for a spirited discussion.  After all, this was not my first rodeo.  I presented my arguments and he just smiled at me with grace and lovingly invited me to Saddleback with he and his family. I had been surrounded by other masters-of-the-universe atheist types and I have to admit, my heart was hardened and dark, especially given my own depressing facts of the matter.  I broke down into an emotional wreck before the sermon even started!  It was the music again!  Instantly I understood the error of my ways and how far I strayed off the path that had been laid before me on the bus, in the river, at Calvery Chapel, the teachings of Chuck, Frosty...............How I took the faithfulness and blessings of my God and took full credit for everything in my life from Dock to Park, but not the park!

I read Purpose Driven Life, again, and again, and again...... I was looking for the nuggets than I could hang on to, the truths that could not be disputed that I knew were true from my own teachings and own experiences.  I found two that I still hang on to.......  The first line in the book, "It's NOT all about YOU!" and "God is all you need when you realize God is all you Got!"  Again, so thankful that I have a LIFE and RELATIONSHIP to look back on with clear points of where I strayed off of the path and what the results were.  I had finally reached the end of myself!

Now my daily routine changed!  I would still go to the park but now Chasing The Shade had a whole new metaphorical meaning.  Now I had a lot of catching up and reconnecting to do.  Circumstances hadn't changed but I had.  I was the prodigal son, for real, with no signet ring or fattest calf but I would spend my time at internet cafe's soaking up everything I had pushed away.  None of it was new but it was different because it wasn't faith but factual, based on a life lived full of blessings that I I I distorted.

5X fast forward.............I still spent days in the park but I didn't sit.  I cleaned trash, I talked to people, I let the kids play with Peanut, I talked to and helped the shade chasers.  During one of my introspection's, and with the God filter back in place, the story of Elijah just popped into my head;  a big powerful biblical figure that was so scared he hid in a cave. God came and whispered in his ear "how long are you going to stay here?"  My answer was "show me how to get out of this!"  He did, we did, here we are.  Fully restored into the best version of myself, ever, and we are not talking financially but he took care of that too!

I soon began to actually enjoy my time in the park and I still go back to this day.  The faces have changed but the vibe and rhythm is still the same.

Taking everything into account and on this Easter Day, here are my foundational truths:

1. More of him, less of me
2. I am the truth, the light and the way. NOBODY comes to the father except through me.
3. Be a good steward with the gifts that God has given you
4. Do good deeds in secret and store your treasures in heaven. If you get your pat on the back here then you are paid in full.
5. Be a shining light by your example and by your words so that God may be glorified (the purpose of this post)
=

Top 5 on my list and each has it's own reasoning.  The only thing I will justify so there is no confusion, Betty is a blessing from God, Xiffy is a blessing from God, the Kids are a blessing from God, the Monkey is the biggest blessing from God.  I had different plans for each and he said "here is something better!" I do what I do because of foundation principal #3!

So, with a life full of demonstrable, factual blessings that turned a boy like me into a man like me, factual coarse corrections, and one GIANT smack-down that my daughter calls "the Dog Whisperer" type correction, I wish you a happy Easter! I love my truths to be based on facts! Jesus, came, he died, and he rose...for us...all factual.  Look it up.

Last parting question, what shade are your chasing?????

outline

go forward, I went up the mountain

The road trip experience and thoughts.  On a time limit to meet xiffy but still a relaxed pace.  I learned to really love the road life with the various rest stops, taking showers at truckstops, eating at every waffle house along the way and there are a ton of them!  Betty was a rockstar the whole way.  Only stayed in one hotel for one night the entire way. More interested in making time than sight seeing, especially knowing there is a leisurly return trip.  Franklins bbq?  Absolutely.

hardest part of the whole drive was getting to the 15 in C

Arizona getting stuck p

New Orleans, down burbon street and then google maps went insane taking me back to the freeway into the poorest part of the city and it was SCARY.  So may cars on blocks...... Longest train ever right in the middle of the worst part of town.  It reminded me of working in south central after the riots and always giving yourself a way out at a stop light.

Texas. It's hard to live in a degenerating society full of gang bangers, crimimals, drugs, no moral compass, everybody out for themselves......turn on youtube and get a depressing view of our society.  Some people, and the population is growing, are just the scurge of the earth and should not be entitled to share normal society with people trying hard to live a good life and contribute.  I could not help but think of australia when I was driving through tx and the history of shipping prisioners and convicts.  Texas has all of the open land we need to send the worst of society there.  Want to build a wall Trump?

Alabama, the guy that recognized the sticker and told me stories of his time there with the thickest southern accent.  Reminded me of when I came to newport after bakersfied and how I stuck out like a sore thumb with my cool and totally fashionable wrangler jeans, la tigre collard shirt and while leather nike tennis shoues with the red stripe (all of the rage in bakersfield!)

Kemah tx was my favorite

Louisiana probably the friendliest.

Drivers all along the 10 east.  speed yes, lane discipline like the autoband, yes.  tailgating at 85 miles and hour?  Where are you going??????

Honking in florida, blinkers, cutting off, tail gating.  Silver alerts?  still looking for all of the old people who worked their whole life to retire in florida.

Food along the way.

Waffle hosue
Kema frog legs,.....
Texas BBQ
Acme Oyster House was a no go




Florida is not what I thought it would be

lessons learned

icw, dredging, backwoods unmarked, very narrow, celebrated open water only to run aground twice and now I am anxous to get out of the icw with all of the hazards for a sailboat.  It's not by chance this is a power boat communtiy where they don't face the same hazards

Gulf stream, just don't want to get corkswrewed for miles.  Xiffy can take whatever is thrown at her but I can't and neither can the dogs.

Winds.  North, no go, south east is prevailing so the further south, the easier the sail.  Westerlys are rare but that would be the easiest sail for the crossing and probably get an eastery coming back so it would be downwind as well.



Bottome line, I can zip through all of these places just because its new but it get's old in a hurry.  Newport is my home and the only place on earth that moves me inside.  however, i do miss squirrl runs to oceanside, moro bay, rincon, ventura harbor, channel islands harbor,  I'm pretty much a local at those places now too.  What I am done with and have it out of my system

"hope you look for what you are looking for?????"  LOL  Not running, not seeking, just enjoying.  I have a history of doing big things in my career and to just stop that is very hard so to not have a big project or a big adventure with a big moutain to climb, and the feeling of accomplishment that comes with it, I miss.  Not at all bragging, in fact it took me moments of clarity and examination to realize not how blessed I am but how blessed i have been.  Still things I can't figure out or understand why but I realized it is, and always will be, beyond my understanding, I just move forward.  Sometimes I just have to stop at the base of the mountain and await further instruction and not climb it.

Future, Failures and FEARS!

What I Thought When I Started the Sea Portion and Why I Thought It

My love of the pacific ocean is derived from my childhood and no other national park, desert sunset, mountain peak, majestic lake, or inland adventure of any kind can give me the feeling that the Pacific does.  There is such an emotional pull. The view of atop Superior looking down on my past or turn the corner on PCH to see Crystal Cove reveal itself touch a part of me deep inside that no other place in the world can but the beauty of Big Sur, Carmel, Montery and the like, the majesty of Moro Bay, the solitude of the Northern Coast, the natural beauty of the PNW, there is nothing like it in the world of which I have basis for extensive comparison. When times are good, I want to share my history and love with anyone that will listen. When times are bad, it is my place of solitude, mindlessness and escape. However, my love has always been on the shore peering out onto the horizon.  Sailing was something I always admired but never thought attainable, I just never had the opportunity to learn, the cash to burn, the knowledge of what it really takes.  Now I have two out of three and I am working on the latter.

I was thoroughly enjoying my new life as a nomad with a couple of rescue dogs traveling the whole of

the west coast with plans to go even further.  My home is Newport Beach and after time on the road, the feeling of getting back to a familiar environment with familiar faces would outweigh the joys of traveling.  In those times I would return, I would slip back into a familiar routine of people, places and OCD.  It also included an abundance of downtime looking for new adventures, which are hard to come by in such a familiar place.  I don't know where the idea came from, or what motivated it, but I suddenly found myself in sailing school. If you have read previous post, you know the story so we can skip ahead.

I am called the grasshopper for a reason. I want what I want, when I want it and usually, I want it now, I put little thought into the reasons why I should wait.  In an RV, that was fine.  I had to learn to make wider turns and how not to burn it down.  I knew how to drive so if calamity happened, I would be protected physically by the rolling four walls that surrounded me and the insurance would pick up the tab.


Once I learned to sail, that was it! I could now expand my love of the pacific to include things that I never dreamed of.  So now, I have the gotta wannas, and it is not possible to talk me out of it! I did what I do and the series of comedies and tragedies brings us to this place in time.
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Sailing is a different animal than the RV, in so many ways i.e. purchasing, fixing and maintaining. Not knowing what I didn't know would kill me. But not knowing what I don't know has never stopped me because I will know with experience.  I learn by doing, that is my nature. However, educated people do not do quasi research that only supports a particular position but, I did. I wanted the dream to become a reality so desperately and so quickly. Aside from the romanticized videos of COUPLES circumventing the globe, I took particular interest in those that said they had zero sailing experience when they started but now seemed to be as comfortable under sail as they would be behind the wheel of a small automobile. I got excited by articles that said things like, "you just get on board into open water and start pulling on lines to see what they do....." Afer all, that IS my motus operandi in all things and it has worked quite well for me.

Leading the pack, Xiffias!

If you have followed along, I was blessed with a Cal 25 sailboat and as soon as the motor was working properly, I headed out for open ocean. No life jacket, no real understanding of Xiffias, no thought of things going wrong or what my response would be when they did, no idea how to work the VHF or who to call on my cellphone if I even had service out there.  I just wanted to be out there and, If I was really lucky, see some marine life.  Each time I went out it was during calm seas and the worst thing that happened, thank God, is seaweed getting tangled up in the propeller.

But then it all changed, in the confines of the harbor after a great trip out, disaster struck. Xiffy still bears the scars from that day but she hides them well. Me however, I was changed immediately. Once back on dry land, I ran far away scared and humiliated with my tail between my legs.  I had to deconstruct the event over and over in my mind to make sense of it all.  The problem was, I did not have the experience to draw from to come to the conclusion that "if I had only done this" or "next time I will do that."

Now I knew what it was to end up in the water in a moment of panic;  Now I knew what it felt like to see the boat drifting away; Now I knew that it was almost impossible to get back on the boat with its current configuration.  The actual event is not what scared me! I was in a closed harbor and I could swim to safety and just let the boat do its thing.  It was the thought of that exact thing happening on one of my thoughtless excursions out into the ocean.  Things got real in a hurry and safety became paramount.  My mentor, henceforth, mackrat, just rose in stature from overly-cautious, cantankerous old salty dog to sailing God. I learned what true surrender meant over the next couple of days as I thought through everything.  If he says no, I listen but I still question.  Not to be difficult but because he will not be with me in every situation and I want to know why he thinks the way that he does and what corner I am not seeing around.

What I Think Now and Why I Think It

I have some good experience on Xiffy now, mostly under motor around the harbor.  The open areas of the harbor do not pose any significant challenges because of my life long experience but the tight quarters were a challenge with boats and people, especially tourists with no sense or understanding of rights of way or basic etiquette.  But the dock posed the biggest challenge, coming and going.  With the placement of the motor in relation to the rudder, the effects of the wind on such a lightweight boat and my own technique that was not at all refined yet, it was a hard learning curve to get to the point that the butterflies left my stomach.  Now we are there and I have been tested various times with differing circumstances, winds, and obstacles to overcome. Each one is an experience that I can put in my pocket and now I handle the boat with confidence, IN THE HARBOR!

Experience has also taught me that I am not ready for open waters.  One day on choppy seas that mackrat laughs at, seeing how the boat gets tossed around, thinking of my previous disaster, and thinking of my dogs, the physical demands, working on the for-deck in those conditions, or worse, there is still much to learn in the way of technique, safety precautions and anticipation and most importantly, who to call, and when, if things go really bad. If I go into the water again, I want to be sure that it is not in a panic and that I have done everything to the boat to prevent it, for myself to be prepared for it, and a plan for any experience with a real probability.

So we get to Xiffy and how prepared she is.  She is water tight and very sturdy.  The VHF works perfectly and I do a radio check every time I go out.  Moreover, it is current enough to have a DSC button.  Why is this important?  Anything I do will be single handed and this is the final act of desperation if I cannot physically call a Mayday.  If I push the button, it will at least transmit my identity and location, that is if it were hooked up to a GPS!  Did I have that? NO! Do I have it now? Absolutely, but only after a false start.

As ready as she is though, she is a completely manual boat.  No furlers so sails are raised/dropped by hand; no lazy jacks so I wrestle with the sails flaking them as I go; no Windlass so anchoring will be by my alone.

Moving on to the next safety issue, is the standing rigging (the things that hold the mast up) ready for whatever comes my way? No!  I get teased all of the time for not having my sails up but this is the reason. The issue was discovered in a video I posted online on a moderate day. I received an urgent text from makcrat.  His instructions were never to do that again because he noticed the inner stays were flapping in the wind and that I was lucky the mast had not come down.  Great!  Something else to think about that I had not considered.  I did a lot of research on "tuning" the rigging and it is pretty straight forward, enough to get me on the harbor under sail on a calm day, but it will be professionally inspected and tuned before I take any kind of trip.  I have learned that assurance of, and confidence in, your boat is critical and I cannot say that I am there yet.  I know her history of racing in the open sea and I can look around to see that no expense was spared, but she sat for a while and a conversation with the previous owner is not possible.  Relying on my own understanding will never give me the full confidence so thankfuylly, not only is mackrat my guiding light but I have access to the skipper that won the class nationals with this boat and he HAS the intimate knowledge that I desire so.

Now on to the bigger question, am I ready physically and mentally for what I am about to undertake? Are the dogs ready for a life of being tossed around on a boat for hours on end.  The answer to both is NO!  For me, the physical limitations have really come to light.  My back is what my back is and sailing, especially single handing, is as hard as it is.  Then I have the shoulder that was injured recently and has not been the same since.  The neck with the herniated discs; the arthritis in the back and hands; the knee that is starting to act up and is quite painful when it does; the overall stamina and how I get worthless in a hurry once my energy is depleted.  I never pay attention to these things!  I push through them, until I can't, and then I rest.  Obviously this will not even be an option on the water.  So what to do?

I plan to get on a regimine to streangthen the muscles and build up the stamina that I will be able to test and confirm the results as I progress. But there is a burning quesiton in my mind that I have no answer for: what am I going to do, not if, but WHEN I throw my back out? Pain is one thing, OUT is another. Cant stand, can't walk, I am called Mr. Peanut when that happens because my body is so contorted by spasm.  I wish I could keep typeing here to lay out my plan, but I don't have one. I do know that If I have any chance, I have to figure out an Ice strategy!

My research now has really gone the other way altogether.  Rather then feeding the dream with unicorns and rainbows, I look for worst case scenarios in the form of videos, articles and questions to those that have been through it.  I was enamored with flying one of several racing spinnakers that came with Xiffy, with the carbon fiber pole and achieving racing speeds, all on my own!  And then I learned all about accidental jibes, Chinese jibes or whatever you want to call them.  I watched many videos very carefully and when such a thing happens it can be devastating.  I observed that most had a spinnaker flying and it was just a simple shift of wind that would cause things to go catty-wampus in a hurry.  But more importantly, I never saw a single instance of a single-hander going through the recovery process. Rather, I saw many accidental jibes with an experienced skipper at the helm with a capable crew that followed verbal commands, and there are many, to pull the spinnaker in and upright the boat.  Take my physical limitations and my experience level into consideration and the only question now is, do you want to buy a spinnaker sail or carbon fiber pole?

In the vein of what I call negative research, or disaster planning, I viewed many distress calls and understand the importance of communicating the facts e.g. position, boat specifics, lives on board, urgancy level, X-Ray-India-Foxtrot-Foxtrot-India-Alpha-Sierra, etc...; I have learned the importance of becoming a psuedo metorologist, plotting charts, reading charts and hazard markers, audible signaling, nav lighting basics of when, why and what it all means.  I have seen docking disasters as well as docking mastery under all conditions.  I have read about pirates boarding the boat; I have watched many MOB drills; I have seen engine failure, sail failure, rigging failure, and demasting (scary!)..... With all of this negative research I could easily slip into the mindset that I will never be prepared so I have to get back to just going and learning by experience. Otherwise, I would never go!

Before I head out I know I need some basic safety fundamentals and equipment, a lot of which has already been addressed.  I am not afraid to die at sea but not in a panic for lack of preparation!

Now the fun part.......Future Plans!

Once I have learned enough in my own environment,  in and around the harbor or within 10 miles of shore where all of the landmarks are so familiar, and under myriad conditions, I will embark on an inaugural trip to Catalina.  Everything I have seen and read indicates a motor out with a nice sail back in.  Certainly not my first time to the hill that meets the horizon that I grew up with, but definitely the first time on my own and on such a small boat!  As I write this, there is a race taking place with teams of outriggers going there and back.  Really? False confidence sets in again!

I think I will learn a ton from that trip about myself, the kids and Xiffy and, with that newfound knowledge, I hope to have a debriefing with mackrat, get any work done that I require, hone some techniques and then move on to the next leg of the overall journey. First though, I should probably learn how to drop and anchor and pick up a mooring!

Next step, move the boat North for several reasons.  First being the bottom paint.  It is the final, and most costly, to-do item left to be done to be able to call Xiffy fully resurrected and restored to her former magnificence, just as the previous owner had planned.  Needless to say, work like this is much more cost effective if performed any place other than Newport Beach, about half the price actually.

More importantly, the location fits perfectly into the bigger vision of harbor-hopping for the next year! I have inspected every significant marina from San Diego to Moss Landing and here is what I know. Going northbound is a lot of work and a lot of motoring due to prevailing winds, so south under sail is the way to go.  Having said that, the further up the coast I can go, the longer sail I will have south and the more marinas, harbors and coves I can hop.  Too far North, however, poses a real problem and dangers, doable but not fun at all so what would be the point.  So let's look at options......

Channel Islands Harbor Entrance

I have spent an abundance of time in the Ventura/Oxnard area and that seems to be the sweet spot.  I love the calmness of the community, especially Channel Islands Harbor as there are no real draws for tourists.  The downsides are food, shopping and entertainment options.  Shopping is close by and convenient but the neighborhoods can be a little dicey.  The area is very Betty friendly and she is a familiar vehicle to the local authorities due to her unique look and branding.  The dogs love it there and it is very familiar and friendly with big open areas of grass and an abundance of friendly beaches.  Cost of course is a consideration too.  At a third of the cost of what I am paying now to be in Newport, it is less than someone could rent a small room for!

Ventura Harbor

Ventura Harbor, on the other hand, is slightly more expensive, touristy with the Village, has my favorite restaurant right there and a lot more of a social scene.  The propinquity of the boat yard is convenient so the bottom painting, and other work on the hard, would be a breeze.  I have talked extensively with the marina manager and the boat yard about the details and the process and they are very reassuring and informative. Very dog friendly and guests would probably enjoy it more. The drawbacks are 1. it is not Betty friendly for more than 2 days per week WHEN I am allowed to stay on the boat and 2. seems to have a lot more crime in the harbor than most with outboard motors and other equipment knicked right off of the boats!

A choice will be made soon between the two.  The plan is to only stay long enough to get the work done, become familiar with the harbor and local islands (3 months) and then move on, South under sail of course.  Ventura makes sense for this reason as well since the first hop would BE to Channel Islands Harbor transiant dock!

To understand the plan, just look at a map from Ventura heading south and look at every marina and cove along the way.  Destinations would include MDR, Santa Monica, Long Beach, Huntington, Newport, Dana Point, Oceanside, San Diego........ and then the decision will be made whether to cross into Mexico. There are also a few cool little coves along the way with free anchorages!

Once concluded, the vision in my mind says that at that point I will be ready to execute the next part of the plan. Something will have to be done with Xiffy at that point. Hire somebody to sail/motor her back? Transport her by land? Sell her (gulp)?

That next part of the plan could be many things based on several factors.  Was it everything I thought it would be? Did I feel limited by coastal cruising and long for the blue waters more now than ever?  After all of the day trips, am I ready for weeks at sea?  How did my body hold up? How are my relationships? How are my finances?  How did the dogs like it? Have I overcome my fears?

If I can answer in the affirmative, it will give me permission to fully commit to the overall vision!  I will say nothing more about it other than to post this picture.

“Do the thing you fear and the death of fear is certain.” -Mark Twain

"a mans reach should always exceed his grasp" -Robert Browning

I'm Going To Need A Bigger Boat!

Patience Grasshopper!!

Views on Retirement from the Grasshopper

Retirement! It's a big word that is loaded with planning, fear of how much is enough, joy from the freedom of what it affords and the ability to focus solely on passions of life that bring will happiness and peace.  Fear is the most powerful emotion of them all and what drives most people in the planning and decision making.  I for one have had three separate retirement and college funds wiped out by the economy i.e. housing market crash of the 90's, dot com crash of the early 2000's, and the biggest one in the 2008 (d)epression!  Each time, more fear and more anxiety because the length of time to grow the money was substantially less.

There is an evolution to the thought process as you age.  I will share mine and because maybe it's relatable.  Share this with a college-aged youngster with piss and vinegar coursing through their veins as a cautionary tale. Youth is wasted on the young, right?

When you are young (late-teens to early twenties, say), your old age seems impossibly far away. You are not yet aware of the way in which the lengths of the years shrink, relative to your entire lifespan, as you age. In terms of the psychological perception of the passage of time, the years pass more rapidly as you get older.

For entirely understandable and forgivable reasons, young people usually fail to realize just how lucky they are to be young, with all their physical and intellectual energy, their optimism, lack of cynicism and jadedness, and the many decades of life they have stretching out before them in which they can achieve their dreams (if they actually decide on their goals and then apply themselves to achieving them - which many, sadly, do not).

That was me! Young and strong but with a broken back that would be a constant companion for the rest of my life.  Had I known then what I know now just given that fact, would I have not been a bouncer, a construction worker, a weight lifter, etc. etc. etc.?  The answer is an emphatic yes!  My back would be a problem no matter what I did and, even young an healthy in every other regard, I did not limit myself in any way, except the ocean because the one thing I cannot do is tangle with the surf! The memories that I cherish from those early years far outweigh the consequences of my actions.  Most importantly, if I did not live by the sweat of my brow as a youth and discover that I had a knack for running a business, I would not have learned what I-did-not-know when I got wiped out the first time and then decide to focus on education.

So these were the early years, no thought of retirement AT ALL!  Now onto the mid years taking the lessons learned into account and forging a new path.

In business school I learned all kinds of simple lessons early that still shape the way I live, spend and eat.  Those coupled with growing up poor, having it and losing it, gives me a healthy fear and respect for money.  I now know there is a time-value-of-money and I understand compound interest. If I spend a dollar today on an impulse purchase, what did it actually cost if that dollar was invested and left to grow over the course of 20 years? God forbid you purchased it on a credit card with a high interest payment!

So, in this era, I was smarter and more purposeful with my money.  My first foray into the corporate world introduced me to the traditional wisdom of employer matched contributions into a retirement account.  I am not one to turn down free money so of course, max that out!  Nothing in my life experience had taught me otherwise and now I am in the corporate world,  I am educated so my finances would be stable for the rest of my life, right? Wrong!  I went all-in on this new thing called the internet and was smart enough to not go to work for a highly speculative .com, rather a large internet consultancy that brought fortune 500 companies into the digital age.  Transition or die or become roadkill was out mantra!  And then it all came crashing down, quickly and without mercy in February 2001 with the .com crash.

Not only did I lose my meager cash savings but I learned many valuable lessons in the process. First, if you reach a point of desperation where all other liquid resources are drained, the retirement funds are calling to you as a lifeline but the early withdraw penalties will undo any good that you have done in trying to plan for the future.  Second, there are no more gold-watch jobs so the thought of slowly building over a long period of time in the same career, with the same employer, are gone!  I had a baby and an ex by now so diapers, food and monthly payments HAD to be made, no matter what! Third, don't play the stock market by picking individual stocks, even if you think you are diversified.  Technology has made it so that most wealth is made in millisecond transactions based on information that is not even available to the retail investor!  Lastly, I was brought back to my core beliefs of what is really important, food, clothing and shelter!  As long as I, and my daughter had those three, I could rebuild! Financial wipe out #2 complete, and now its time to move on with a new purpose.

Statistically, I am now in my biggest earning years and that fact was not lost on me at all.  I had unlimited energy, physical strength, education and a daughter that I wanted to give a privileged life to. I used all of those attributes during this time, took some calculated career risks that paid off and money came easy.  I achieved financial independence by living below my means, never competing with the Jones' and thought I was now set on a firm executive path that could not be altered.  There was a Lottery commercial that gave you a peak into the insight of a winner when he walks into a grocery store, looks around and thinks to himself, "I can afford all of this cheese." That was me! I could buy anything I wanted, drove Mercedes, had a nice house that I justified because I could have had much bigger, but I thought I was living simply.  I crossed the globe many times over for work, ate at the best restaurants, stayed at the nicest hotels, built a global network of friends and colleagues, I was high profile in my positions, yada yada yada...... I was unstoppable!  And then it happened. 2008.  

I had been running a Korean company for the previous several years that were simply not performing well in the global market so I made the decision in April to wind down operation in the US and Europe. The intent was to take the summer off and spend time with my daughter.  She was fully entrenched into her gymnastics career, in private christian school and I wanted to be part of it all.  I began to see the signs of economic melt down in the housing market but I had no concerns since it would not affect me.  With a big bank account, a healthy college fund established, and a lateral career move established after the summer, I could be a passive observer and count my blessings, right? Wrong again!

My daily routine was watching the disastrous tale that was unfolding in the markets on CNBC.  The carnage was unbelievable but it still didn't hit home, that is until late in 2008 when the financial markets showed signs of impending doom. I was a technology guy and had a job lined up in my field so it still did not register.  The company I was where I was taking my firmly established skill-sets to was a global company making a big push into this space and called my position a "critical executive leadership hire" so I had no concerns.  I maintained the lifestyle and carried on with the plans of the summer with well earned vacations, enjoying time in my modest house that I so carefully remodeled, but never spent a lot of time in. I learned quickly that I can do a lot of things but a green thumb is something that I do not posses!

When the summer ended and all the fun was had, it was time to start my daughter back at her expensive private school and for me to resume conquering the world in my new executive function. The time was October, 2008.  I flew to Texas to meet with corporate, meet my team, go through all of the hiring paperwork, etc.  I had everything but a start date. The company hired 50,000, mostly college recruits, people a year but given the economic conditions, they put a hiring freeze in place.  I, however, was put on an airplane with the assurance of the "critical hire" designation that firmly placed me outside of any hiring freeze. Life is still good!

Then it happened.  Icons of the financial industry started to drop like flies and the term "Too Big To Fail" had no meaning anymore. The ripple effect hit every business, in every industry ,and my large global company derived much of its business from too-big-to-fail companies around the globe. Call after call, week after week, month after month, "be patient, critical hire..........." I held onto those assurances late into the first quarter of 2009 and I watched my modest lifestyle drain my bank account down to levels that worried me but I was still good.  Eventually, the opportunity was pulled altogether so I had to start the process all over.

Now, the economy is in complete in total meltdown and I am a "something" I never thought possible, a victim of my own success and the poster child of somebody that could not get a job, any job, in my field anyway.  Too expensive, too experienced, hiring freezes across the board, man was it tough!  The executive hiring process is a long and arduous one that entails many interviews by phone and in person.  Most require travel and myriad activities. The initial candidate list has usually been developed by executive head hunters that have culled the list to a half dozen or so qualified candidates.  These were not usual times and it was not a good time to be a head hunter!  Companies had more qualified candidates in the hiring pool than they knew what to do with and most were desperate to hang onto their lifestyles, me included!  In no way were they up for paying tens of thousands of dollars to the recruiter for the introduction. Case in point, the source of my next prospective employer came from my own network.  Another well-known global company with a strategic executive position that would forge a new path out of this recession. This time however, 25 interviews, travel, and 6 months competing with 250 other highly qualified candidates!  I made it to the final two.  I knew the other candidate well, for years, but we had very different skill sets so I thought it would be a coin toss.  I received a congratulatory call the night before from him indicating that they had passed on him, so by default they had chosen me.  My call was the next morning but for some reason it didn't feel as though I had prevailed.  My intuition proved correct when the call came to inform me that in fact, I had not gotten the job but that they decided to hire internally! This was the world that we lived in now.  One thing that I am very happy about is that in my final interview, I gave the other guy a glowing recommendation and he eventually got brought on in a different capacity.

Wipe out number 3! It was not until mid 2010 that I took a job out of desperation to keep the lifestyle going!  Worst mistake I have ever made and never to be repeated. Another lesson, never take a job out of desperation and never with a company that is equally as desperate that believe you are the answer to their problems! The time will be short, the leash will get tighter by the day and your psychological well being will diminish with every passing hour. Second lesson, downsize earlier than I did and never create a situation where that is not an option!

At this point, the Mercedes is gone, the house is gone, the private school is gone, the cash reserve is gone, the college fund is gone, the retirement is gone, but worst, my health is gone.  The back caught up to me, the stress of everything gave me many more deadly health issues.  I traded luxury hotels and fine dining for hospital rooms and heart friendly meals. I was a shadow of my former self and the thing that will haunt me for the rest of my life is that my daughter was with me full time and she had a front row seat to see the destruction of her invincible daddy that ruled the world at one point into a very sick man.

Moving on to the silver lining and a vote for experience, education and faith! Now that I am on the other side, I am glad things played out the way they did. Anybody that knows me well will tell you that I am very different.  I will save the particulars for the book but I will say that I am better in every way now than I ever have been.  If not for the education and experience that I have I would not be able to do what I did.  If not for my faith and my daughter, I would have just checked out, and sad to say many did during those dark days. To be honest, I extended the misery relying on my own strength, desperately trying to restore myself to my former status and position in the world. It was my experience, education and love for my daughter that brought me back financially when, by the grace of God, the exact right opportunity, at the exact right time, dropped into my lap that made me whole again.  It is my 40 year walk with the Lord and the lessons that I learned through all of the pain that taught me how to live today.  Just like any relationship, it's had its ups and downs and I was a bad boy for a while, not in a criminal way but in a very haughty way saying to him, "thanks!  I got this and I'll take it from here!" Glory be to God! If you don't like that statement, don't read my book because credit will be given where it is due!

Now the retirement portion.  Obviously I was forced into retirement but I think it was all part of the plan. With all of the lessons learned and with money to invest, I lived by a couple of key mantras that I now think are incorrect for me, and maybe you. First, since I bombed in the stock market and swore to never do it again, I set out to find a new way that would provide the security into my later years and a healthy college fund (number 3!).  I came access a controversial figure by he name of Dave Ramsey, a faithful icon in the financial planning arena. The core of his principals of being debt free, never investing in a single stock, and here is the big one, RETIRE WITH DIGNITY, were already part of my core. He teaches a course called Financial Peace University that will give you a plan, a method and a new way of thinking about money.  It's offered through many, many churches across the country.  It would be perfectly applicable for the majority of people.  But, this is where I was wrong, and could be wrong again but I think i'm right about this one! The biggie is the definition of Retire With Dignity.

Traditional culture and retirement advice has you on a path to work and save your whole life, build a college fund, work with a financial adviser to build a diversified portfolio that will return a modest 6%. Ramsey is a bit different in that the first order of business is to get out of debt because your get no real gains from investments if your are paying off interest on your debt.  Absolutely agree with this and I am happy to proclaim that I am debt free, always have been until I got into trouble so I am happy to say that it was already part of my core.  This is the benefit of growing up poor and losing it all a couple of times.  He gives you a strategy first and foremost how to get out of debt and re prioritize what is important.  Once you are there, he gives you a strategy for growing your wealth through sensible investments.  The key take away for me was not investing in single stocks, rather pick a mutual fund or other investment fund, with a history of beating the S&P, that spreads your basket over 100's of stocks. He has names that are closer to the 10% figure, which enticed me to learn more. As far as financial advisers, if you go to the traditional, they will talk about some debt is good debt, we disagree for the following reasons, yada yada.......he has a list that won't.

Where we differ is on the definition of Retire with Dignity.  With my body breaking down before my eyes, my energy level diminishing, my mind and memory fading, my daughter in college now under a fully funded college plan, and lack of motivation to play the game any longer, "Dignity" is not waiting for all of these things to get worse, and they will, only to make sure that I am not a burden later.  What enjoyment would come from watching the world pass by when I can't walk anymore? Nobody knows when they will be called home, to wherever that may be, so all of the planning for enjoyment that may never come?  Inheritance going to those that won't really appreciate it? NO THANKS!

Another area where my life experience and biblical teachings come in. I consider the apostle Paul a kindrid spirit because I share the same mindset when he says:

"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want."

My history and experiences in this world have taught me both.  I get teased about my frugality constantly but there is a purpose and a reason! One of my idols in business is Elon Musk, not just for his brilliance when it comes to technology but what he did to prepare himself for this success.  When he had nothing to speak of while in college, he create the $1 per day challenge for himself.  If he could do it, he figured he was smart enough that no matter what happened, he could make and live on $1/day. So yeah, go ahead and make fun of me for shopping at the 99 Cent store!

So here I am, living a dream! The fact that I am blessed in every way is not missed on me! I spend money where I have to and won't where I don't.  If I am cheap on Betty or Xiffy it will cost me more later, in money and safety.  If I eat out at all, it is always happy hour and usually no more than $10, a special celebratory dinner for myself (Kicken Crab!) or I am treating someone to a meal out of gratitude or love.  I consider the implications of EVERY dollar I spend and I can't justify overpaying for anything e.g. the same bag of ice for 99 cents or for 2.50! I don't have a mortgage so slip fees and Betty related travel expenses are justified and still much less than most.  The most important part is I balance self indulgence (if you wan't to call it that) with giving.

Can anybody do this? NO!  The stars, my nature, and timing all just suddenly aligned perfectly.  My daughter is now in college and it's paid for, I report to nobody but the man above, I have no debt, everything is done in a proper manner i.e. insurance, medical, etc.....I am surrounded by loving and supportive people that know me.  Will I be living on a fairway of Pebble Beach when I get older? NO.  Do I mind just getting by on social security? NO! Can I see around the corners of life yet and believe that I am always making the right choices for my future? Who can say that! The main thing is i'm able, happy, enjoying life and I have a life to reflect on to grade myself and the peace that comes with doing a good job.  My only goal in life now is to hear the words, "well done my good and faithful servant"

Don't know why, but I never wrote a word about XIFFY!!!!

I'm now inspired to write on a regular basis but I can't start until I catch up.  It's important to write as I go so I don't have to trust my recollection of events, as I will attempt to do here.  So lets get started.......

To tell the story of XIFFY is to tell the story from a little boys perspective.  As a youngster, I would sit on the public dock at 19th street on the bay and watch the boats, listen to the fish jump, hear the harbor seals in the distance with an occasional sighting, and I would wonder what my life would be on the water.  Not dreaming of it but resigned to the fact that, although present and accounted for, I was not part of the Newport elite that grew up sailing, attending NHHS or CDM, so what would I do? Fisherman? Boat services to the rich? What I really dreamed about was being the captain of a water taxi and maybe, just maybe, fully realizing the dream of skiperring the Balboa Ferry when I was much older. That was early 80's, now lets enter the virtual time machine to the year 2016 and leave the details for Chasing The Shade.

Betty the Rialta was never a lifelong dream but the freedom was. You can only speculate on what that is until you actually live it, 100X greater than you can imagine.  The pacific has always had such a pull on me that my travels are limited, by design, to see the best Godly creations the west coast has to offer, and I have seen 90%. But, seeing it and being part of it are vastly different!  As much as I was enjoying the travels, something was missing. I wanted to be on the water! My childhood is the harbor so I thought a Duffy would suffice. Did it and nope.  Got boring in a hurry and, in my mind, very expensive to putt around in a golf cart.

I didn't think sailing was the answer because I had never done it, or even been on a boat under sail for that matter. While everyone else my age was learning to sail, I was spending all my time at the Point, the Wedge or the arcades around the Newport Peir. Now I'm older, retired and have a lot of time on my hands.  That being said, out of nowhere I had a desire to learn to sail, finally. So, being the impetuous guy that I am, I signed up at OCC School of Sailing and Seamanship.  On my first day I was greeted in the harbor with Betty the Sailboat.  Serendipity? Maybe.

The first phase was classroom instruction on the Points of Sail.  I was lost with no frame of reference or experience to draw from. I learn by doing so when the time came to get to our craft, a Harbor 20, I was mesmerized by the GIANT boat that I was going to help sail with my classmate and instructor. First we had to learn how to get a boat ready to sail so we went through the process of removing the sail covers, rigging the boat and learning the compulsory safety lessons.  No engine, so we maneuvered the boat to the proper positon by hand, I didn't care for that bit too much.  We raised the main sail and I could feel the power of the wind on the sail and I felt an excitement that I had never felt.  Then we unfurled the jib and began cooking down the harbor!  I literally screamed like a giddy schoolboy "WERE SAILING." We tacked, we gybed, we learned critical expressions that stay with me always e.g. "when in doubt, let it out" and "tiller towards trouble." What really got me is that my first instruction was in 25 knotts of wind so we got to learn more in a day than most would under normal conditions.  I was hooked because every day would be like this, right?

That was it! Signed, Sealed and Delivered. I am the grasshopper so you know that after another class I was ready to do it on my own.  So, I rented a little harbor 14 with my daughter in the Oceanside Harbor.  She had no experience at all and I was happy to share the myriad lessons learned in my vast experience.  I was confident because all boats are the same, right? Lesson one, the harbor 20 has a self tacking jib, the harbor 14 does not.  Who figured it out? My daughter!  Lesson 2, no, every day is not 25 knotts and not all harbors are the same.  In this case, it was a very good thing. For the next couple of hours we tacked very slowly upwind and when I wasn't getting tangled up in fishing lines and getting yelled at, I couldn't figure out why we were seemingly going backwards. Back to the classroom.

Another lesson, more of the same. With a little experience under my belt, the academic portion was beginning to settle in. I really only knew enough to be dangerous at that point.  Next up, rent a little sail boat in Balboa but this time, invite my sister (not a sailor and not at home on a small boat.  Some just need a table with a Margarita.) The wisest thing I have ever done is invite salty old dog mackrat to the sail. He taught me things that I could not, or would not be allowed, to learn in class.  I held the main sheet in my left hand and the tiller in my right most of the time.  I was able to test the boundaries of the points of sail and really get a FEELING for sailing.  Mackrat's calm demeanor and decades of experience taught me more in that short session than all of the classes combined.

Back to sailing class. I heard nothing in the classroom because I was so anxious to get back on the GIANT boat!  Once there, I got to show off my new skills and all I kept hearing is "that's too much, head up" and "heeling is not efficient!"

That was it, I had boat fever!  Had to have one and had to have it now!  I thought Betty gave me freedom but I realized a whole new world was opened up to me now. I do what I do and watched every video I could find and read every article.  There's a term in academia, qausi-reflective, meaning doing only the research that supports your position.  Well, my position was I want, what I want and I want it now.  This was a dangerous approach but I found plenty of research to suggest the best way to learn was just to do it. So I started the search for a sail boat, inspired by mackrat, his boat and tales of Moss landing.

I know this is a long way to the well and you are probably thinking, what's this got to do with Xiffy? Well here we are.  My impetuous desires lead me to a boat that looked good, a 40' Erikson.  I had a fateful breakfast at Charlies Chili with the Mackrat, showed him and we even called on it.  Immediately, he disqualified it for reasons that i could not understand at the time. At the end of the conversation he causally says, remember when Tanya posted that she's got a Cal 25 for sale?  You should go look at it since its local.  Well, he told me that I needed a 40 footer so that is all I was focused on.  25 foot? What am I going to do with that? Didn't know what it was but others that I researched were old, neglected and not worth my time.  Nevertheless, I inquired. She didn't know what I was talking about at first so I was really perplexed at that point.  Then, "oh, you mean my brothers boat down at balboa island?"  We made arrangements for a showing.  I saw it and was VERY impressed, even though I had no idea what I was looking at.  I could picture my daughter falling in love with it so I brought her down right away to have a look, and she did, but I haven't seen her since.

I reported my findings back to mackrat and he was skeptical of the year, the condition of a 1969, and all for very valid reasons.  I convinced him to go with me to have a look and when he did, his eyes lit up.  This was a very special boat!  The deal was made on the spot and plans were made for a name change from Xiphias (Latin for Swordfish) to Simius (latin for Monkey.) The more time I spent with the boat, the more I learned about the history of it, and the very special previous owner. I decided the Monkey did not deserve such a gift and that it was more important to preserve the legacy of Xiphias, but I still did not like the name.  It was when the lovely grand daughter referred to her as Ziffy that I was convinced.

I will cut it short from here because most know the story.  But here is what has been done, or in the works, so far:

1. Engine did not work so rebuilt corroborator, still not running properly so replaced with new carb
2. Detail head to tow.
3. Charge existing Trojan batteries, not good enough, new Trojans
4. New dedicated start battery
5. New Brass pelican hooks for the jib
6. Rig the main and jib halyards and sheets
7. New Sail Cover
8. New Head Sail Bag
9. New 12volt outlets for the cabin interior with voltage meter
10. New bow light
11. Install ST 1000 Raymarine Auto Tiller
12. Install new Raymarine A78 GPS plotter, depth and fish finder, sonar,.......
13. Integrate VHF, Plotter and Autotiller
14. New bumpers hooks
15. New cockpit and interior cushion coverings
16. Cut 150 head sail for visibility
17. Bilge Pump
18. New Bottom Paint
19. Lazy Jacks
20. Party Size Magna Kettle Gas Grill

Seems like I'm missing a bunch but that's the heart of it all.  The learning curve in this whole process is invaluable and I'm now 90% comfortable with her on the water and at the dock. I'm very much looking forward to my future plans with her, to be revealed in a separate post.

The most appropriate and only image to conclude this post and to bring everything full circle is this.....

19th Street Public Dock, nuff said!!